Summer Burns

I have a confession to make, I have issues with summer. It all stems from my childhood, from that traumatic rite of passage for young girls called “swimsuit shopping.” You see, as the daughter of a Southern Presbyterian minister, the standard for modesty in swimwear was set high, very high. My mother would spend weeks dragging me from store to store in search of the elusive, “modest swimsuit,” in other words, a matching turtleneck/sweatpants set, with a picture of a one-piece, navy-blue granny suit stamped on the front. Most years, we just settled for the one-piece, navy-blue granny suit itself, leaving me horribly exposed.

When I say “exposed” I’m not only talking “shortage of yardage.” I’m talking about exposure to the elements, in particular, the sun. You see, I was born with a skin condition: my melanin is severely challenged; my pigment is impaired; in other words, I’m a pasty white girl. The other day I was sitting in the living room with my precious step-daughter Jamie, whom I dearly love. Looking at my legs, Jamie remarked, “You know what they remind me of -- raw chicken legs! They even have the little red bumps and”

“Yes, sweetheart, thank you, I know.” I have known this since childhood, sitting by the pool with Stephanie and Jennifer. I’d smear on the Sunscreen 45, they’d rub in the baby oil. Give us an hour or two, they came out the color of some gourmet beverage from Starbucks, while I was the main entrée at Red Lobster.

Eventually I gave up. I decided that Laura only came in two colors, red and white. Since white was less painful, I moved to Boston, where turtlenecks are worn 3 ½ seasons out of the year and those who are born pasty white, stay pasty white. I lived there happily for over a decade, until one day I woke up in Southern California. Land of the eternal summer. I guess God wanted me to work on my issues.

And I have been working on them, little by little. For example, I did my swimsuit shopping early this year, online. I made “virtual Laura” try on all the one-piece, navy blue granny suits for me, it was a very healing experience. Even more amazing, I am actually working on a tan, in 3.5-minute increments. Which means… time’s up. I’ll catch you dudes later, in the shade.