Summer Burns

I have a confession to make, I have issues with summer. It all stems from my childhood, from that traumatic rite of passage for young girls called “swimsuit shopping.” You see, as the daughter of a Southern Presbyterian minister, the standard for modesty in swimwear was set high, very high. My mother would spend weeks dragging me from store to store in search of the elusive, “modest swimsuit,” in other words, a matching turtleneck/sweatpants set, with a picture of a one-piece, navy-blue granny suit stamped on the front. Most years, we just settled for the one-piece, navy-blue granny suit itself, leaving me horribly exposed.

When I say “exposed” I’m not only talking “shortage of yardage.” I’m talking about exposure to the elements, in particular, the sun. You see, I was born with a skin condition: my melanin is severely challenged; my pigment is impaired; in other words, I’m a pasty white girl. The other day I was sitting in the living room with my precious step-daughter Jamie, whom I dearly love. Looking at my legs, Jamie remarked, “You know what they remind me of -- raw chicken legs! They even have the little red bumps and”

“Yes, sweetheart, thank you, I know.” I have known this since childhood, sitting by the pool with Stephanie and Jennifer. I’d smear on the Sunscreen 45, they’d rub in the baby oil. Give us an hour or two, they came out the color of some gourmet beverage from Starbucks, while I was the main entrée at Red Lobster.

Eventually I gave up. I decided that Laura only came in two colors, red and white. Since white was less painful, I moved to Boston, where turtlenecks are worn 3 ½ seasons out of the year and those who are born pasty white, stay pasty white. I lived there happily for over a decade, until one day I woke up in Southern California. Land of the eternal summer. I guess God wanted me to work on my issues.

And I have been working on them, little by little. For example, I did my swimsuit shopping early this year, online. I made “virtual Laura” try on all the one-piece, navy blue granny suits for me, it was a very healing experience. Even more amazing, I am actually working on a tan, in 3.5-minute increments. Which means… time’s up. I’ll catch you dudes later, in the shade.

Twilight: The Dangerous Book for Girls?

This weekend I read Twilight for the first time. Guess I’m behind the curve – apparently the third Twilight movie releases in 17 short days. We were on vacation, and my three companions (who will remain nameless) were relaxing with their iPhones. Not having an iPhone (guess I’m really behind the curve), I picked up the closest book, which happened to be Twilight.

Twilight is a romance between Bella Swan, a 17-year-old girl, and her classmate Edward Cullen, who happens to be a vampire. The story was engrossing. I admittedly lost a couple hours sleep over it, which somewhat defeats the purpose of going on vacation.

As I was reading, something about the relationship between Bella and Edward kept bugging me. And it wasn’t the fact that Edward happened to be a vampire. Everyone knows vampires are pretend! (right. . . ?) What bothered me were the parallels between Bella’s story and real-world, dangerous relationships.

1. Edward had a definite dark side. He had a bad temper AND he struggled with blood lust. At the beginning of the relationship, he treated Bella with cruel hostility. (Was it excusable simply because he was trying to control the impulse to drain her veins?) During key points in their relationship, Edward had Bella walking on eggshells. Just by being herself, Bella would accidentally trigger Edward’s darker nature.

2. Edward was very controlling. During their “get to know you” conversations, Edward drilled Bella like the Spanish inquisition. Edward changed his schedule so that they were taking all their classes together. Edward insisted on chauffering Bella to school, both ways. He would make fun of her car and refuse to let her drive. He would take her places against her will (i.e., the prom) even though Bella strongly protested and said she did not want to go.

3. Edward was extremely jealous and would become angry when he saw other boys becoming close to Bella. Bella expressed relief that she had not had any former boyfriends, so that she would not have to tell Edward about them.

4. Edward was a stalker. He entered Bella’s house without permission. Using his heightened sense of hearing, he listened in on Bella’s conversations. He followed her without her knowledge.

5. Edward held unequal power in the relationship. He was a beautiful immortal, with super-human strength and speed. He had unlimited funds. He had special senses that enabled him to read others’ thoughts. Bella, on the other hand, was awkward and insecure. She had just moved to live with her dad and had no close friendships. Edward would take Bella to remote locations, where she had no means of returning home by herself. She was totally dependent on Edward.

To his credit, Edward warned Bella that he was not good for her. Bella’s friends who knew Edward’s identity begged her to stay away from him. Bella knew that Edward was dangerous, yet she consciously chose to stay with him. She didn’t care about her human friends, she didn’t even care about her own human life. She was stubbornly confident that the “love” she shared with Edward would make everything OK.

Putting aside the vampire factor, anyone see a problem with this relationship?? Yet Twilight boldly celebrates the fantasy love between Edward and Bella. Judging by the sales of books, movies and DVDs, the continuing Twilight story has captivated millions of girls, and women.

If you read (and even enjoy) Twilight, please don’t stop there. Mothers, grandmothers, teachers, big sisters and friends -- we must recognize, and talk about, the signs of a dangerous relationship. We must not let a vampire romance cloud the judgment of the young women in our life. Because, in real life, a dangerous relationship is unlikely to resolve in a happy ending.